Thoughts on the open EZS - How do older children/young people deal with not knowing their origins?

    Dear forum,

    I'm still relatively new here and am currently trying to find out whether an EZS is an option for me or whether I should give up my Kiwu.

    After reading along, browsing through the forum and searching for information on the internet, I'm leaning towards an open donation for the time being.

    Unfortunately, the range of clinics is quite limited for me, as I turned 50 this spring.

    The countries that are suitable for me in terms of age generally only have anonymous donations.

    Portugal would have been the closest fit, but I understood that 50 means 49+364 days, so it's no longer compatible.

    Overseas is no longer on my list.

    Now I'm trying to imagine how it would be with an anonymous donation, for the child.

    I can well imagine that a child might not have a problem with it if you explain it properly.

    But what will it be like as a young adult or later?

    I imagine that not knowing anything at all about their genetic family of origin could be a burden.

    The history of my family (parents, grandparents) is very important to me. Because of the two WWs, there are also gaps and question marks in our family history.

    And I realize again and again that I am preoccupied by this, that it has unconsciously shaped me, that I perhaps see this or that character trait in myself, that I try to get answers from relatives who are still alive.

    It's all within reason. Of course I can live and deal with a certain amount of not knowing, it doesn't bother me.

    But what would it be like to know that you have no chance of ever finding out anything at all....

    My desire to have children is very present, and I don't have that much time left.

    But I wonder whether I can expect my future child to go through that.

    Maybe I'm just very sensitized to the topic:-)

    My brother, for example, is relatively uninterested in our family history, I think... Everyone is different...

    Do you know these thoughts?

    Have you had any experience of this with your child or older child?

    How did it influence your decision to have EZS?

    I would be very interested to know.

    Looking forward to your messages:-)

    Thank you<3

    Dear Walnut,

    I believe that donations will no longer remain anonymous in the long term. In Portugal, egg donation was also anonymous until 2018. In Spain, the clinics' lobby won out first, and the clinics didn't want to change the law for fear of not having enough donors. But: there are now so many techniques that help donor children to find their donors (for sperm donation) and these techniques will explode in the future (AI, sequencing). In Spain, a lot of donors are sequenced in advance for the genetic compatibility check, which earns a lot of money. I think it will be rather difficult to keep the donation secret over the coming decades.

    Best regards! Oskar

    Google : right to know your own parentage.

    So far this only applies to sperm donor children / Germany, I don't know what the legal situation is at EU level, but I can imagine that a lot will happen in the future. The first egg donor children are only now getting to the age where they can also search.

    Dear Walnut,


    I think it's very individual how the children see it. I think that boys/men worry less than women in general.

    But I also think that you don't have much time left, because of course an SS after your 50th birthday is possible, but also much less likely than in your mid-40s.

    It's best to start a little book where you can share all your experiences at the beginning, also for the child later on.


    Kind regards

    I understand your thoughts very well. In the beginning, I honestly couldn't imagine donating my eggs at all. The idea was very foreign to me and it took me a long time to really come to terms with it. Then it was clear to me: if I did, then only openly. And now I'm at a point where I can say - anonymous is also absolutely okay.

    Over time and in the course of the process, I have learned to find more inner peace and acceptance. I reflected a lot, had conversations and also worked with a psychologist. That really changed my perspective.

    One question she asked me is still with me today: "Do you think this is a problem for the child - or is it actually your own problem?"

    This question can be applied to so many topics. If you yourself are 100% behind something, you will pass this certainty on to your child. If you don't, your child will feel it one way or another.

    Dear Strawberry,

    why should an egg donation pregnancy be much less likely at 50 than in your mid-40s ???? The important thing is that you and your uterus are healthy!

    Walnut: try to maintain a cycle, possibly with light HRT. If possible, prevent oestrogen dominance, which very often occurs during the menopause (by substituting nature-identical progesterone, e.g. Famenita).

    Best wishes! Oskar

    Quote from Oskar

    Dear Strawberry,

    Why should an egg donation pregnancy be much less likely at 50 than in your mid-40s ???? The important thing is that you and your uterus are healthy!

    Walnut: try to maintain a cycle, possibly with light HRT. If possible, prevent oestrogen dominance, which very often occurs during the menopause (by substituting nature-identical progesterone, e.g. Famenita).

    Best wishes! Oskar

    As you will have read, Walnut has a fibroid in her uterus. This removal releases killer cells, which in turn make implantation more difficult. The older a woman gets, the older her mucous membrane gets. If Walnut really wants to have another child (and I think that's perfectly fine!), she shouldn't worry about it for another 1-3 years, but get started as soon as possible!

    Dear Strawberry,

    Thank you for the tip.

    Well, the fibroid was removed in August.

    It was an intracavitary fibroid, probably quite small (without my Kiwu it would not have been necessary to operate at my age; although I also had severe period pains, so maybe it was).

    The clinic where I had it done operated on as gently as possible, as I said that I was still thinking about having children, despite my age.

    When the surgical wound has healed, are these so-called killer cells still active?

    Or is this only the case during the healing period?

    If you like, perhaps you could explain this again?

    Nobody has told me that yet. It is important.

    Thank you<3

    Dear Walnut,

    You can address such a question to the forum doctors!

    In a normal cycle, the mucous membrane renews itself regularly. If the cycle is no longer regular, it makes sense to maintain the cycle with a light dose of hormones, or at least to generate a cycle 1-2 cycles before the transfer. Unfortunately, this was forgotten in my case and the transfer cycle was started without prior bleeding.

    It is quite easy to test for killer cells. In your case, you should probably substitute progesterone in the second half of the cycle, as there is no remodeling of the mucous membrane without ovulation.

    Killer cells are the subject of much discussion in current research, as you probably also need some for implantation, but it is not really understood at what point the value is really critical...

    Best regards! Oskar

    I'm not familiar with fibroids, how long they should take to heal...

    I got pregnant three times naturally directly in the cycle after something was done (HSK). I also lost all the embryos, but the doctors always blamed it on the chromosomes...

    Dear Walnut,

    I had the same problem at 50 and went to England/London:(Women's clinic) not anonymous and up to 54.

    I'm glad I made the decision to donate non-anonymously

    That was the eye of my needle.

    I also had a fibroid operation beforehand.

    I was pregnant 3 times with EZ donation, including on the first attempt. On my 4th attempt it worked out to the end, I now have a little daughter.


    I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! :)


    Sala