Wanting children at 39

Hello,

if she is afraid of hormones, preparing the uterus is much less stressful than stimulating it yourself with IVF/ICSI.

And pregnancy is much more stressful for the body if you think about the hormones.

Hello Christian,

I'm quite a bit older, but I also decided to donate my eggs straight away and have never regretted this decision. My daughter will be born on March 31st.

My thoughts were exactly the same - can I live with failure for 2-3 years and then switch to egg donation? I didn't give myself too many chances and time is also a factor. Even my own eggs would no longer be the youngest, which could lead to complications for the baby.

It's a difficult decision. I can only say that the decision to start immediately with egg donation helped me to become a mother in the shortest possible time (my 4th attempt was successful).

I wish you all the best!

Hello christian3939,

I can understand that this decision is difficult for your partner. I was 37 when we went to a German Kiwu. I had high hopes that it would work out. But the disillusionment followed and the failures and all the money, especially because the medication is also incredibly expensive, were very grueling and after 1.5 years I pulled the ripcord and we switched to EZS. It worked straight away and I can't tell you how many times I thought, if only I had done it before. I would have saved myself a lot of suffering. Especially at 39 and then probably soon 40, the likelihood of pregnancy with your own EC decreases rapidly. It's not for nothing that health insurance companies only pay a subsidy for treatment up to the age of 40.

I don't know if I could have gone straight to ECS. It's a process of saying goodbye to your own genetic child. I have a daughter from EZS who I love more than anything and feels 100% like my child. I am currently pregnant with a possible sibling and everything feels good and right. But maybe you could just make an initial appointment with a clinic for an ECS without obligation. They are usually free of charge and maybe that will help to clarify any worries and questions.

All the best for you!

Hello,

I am a bit younger (soon 36), with KiWu for 3 years, now 3 ICSI attempts. This will also be our last attempt. We talked about sperm donation, but it wasn't an issue for me - my husband wouldn't mind. For me, it is apparently too important genetically to have our child, and if that doesn't work out, then we probably won't have any children. I personally wouldn't want EZS either. We are different people and the decision is certainly not easy. I hope I won't regret choosing this path.

I wish you all the best and hope that it works out somehow!

Good morning Christian, good morning Agagin!

It's such a subjective emotional issue.

For me, I have always ruled out adoption or fostering - this feeling has never changed.

When I realized from ICSI to ICSI (there were very, very many) that it just wasn't going to work, the idea of egg donation always came up - I never ruled it out... but I had to go the long way with my own eggs in order to be able to conclude.

My husband didn't reject egg donation outright, but didn't see the need for it 😉. He thought our life was good even without a child and felt that he didn't necessarily need a child that was half his own.

During our time of wanting children, which lasted a total of 11 years, it was always important to us that our life was and remained absolutely worth living and that we didn't emerge from it as a mental wreck. We went every step of the way from one ICSI to the next, but quality of life was always the most important thing to us.... I didn't want to have to say at some point that I hadn't lived over 10 years of my life and then got ill!

Now I'm pregnant after an ICSI and my husband is so happy - he's looking forward to being a "real" family with a child so soon ... (me too, of course, but I mention him explicitly because he didn't want to have the ICSI.

And in the end it's all so subjective. But I also think it's simply a process that everyone has to go through for themselves. It was only when I realized that our wish with my eggs wasn't going to come true that a very quiet voice said "think about ECS, otherwise you'll never be a mom".....

Dear Purehaeven, you wrote that so beautifully. Adoption or fostering was never an option for me either. Others find happiness with it. It really is totally subjective and to be honest, I have sometimes had the feeling that men and women simply deal with the desire to have children very differently, as if there is a biological component to motherhood that influences our female psyche

Dear Conby, I absolutely agree with you!

For a long time I felt really too young to have children and then suddenly the desire was there!

At the time I thought - it must have been something biological, it wasn't my "conscious self" 😉.

Dear Purehaeven, dear Conby For me, adoption or fostering was also less of an option. Although we had conversations about it. Due to the issue with my husband, I had NEVER tried with my own eggs. The KiWu in Germany advised me to go through the process and make friends with EZS straight away. It took a while but not too long. So that we didn't need an infinite number of attempts. I was now 41 and my husband needed Tese. Unfortunately, it was only then that I realized he was 8 years younger. It still only worked out with a double donation on the 6th attempt. It was meant to be for us. My son is such a great guy. I never, ever wanted another child. Pure unconditional love and never tried with my own eggs. I actually have to be grateful to the German KIWu.

christian3939 maybe you would feel the same way?

@ conby Congratulations we were unfortunately denied this good fortune but I understand your fear. You are already a mother and you want to continue to enjoy life with your firstborn. That just brings up more fears. I feel the same way when I fly alone for treatment ....

I also only decided to have children at all after my 30th birthday. For me personally, it's very late and now at 36 is the last moment to get pregnant anyway. I never liked other people's children:) and if I were to have one myself, I would like to see "my" eyes, hair and sense of humor, and not from a donor. That's why donation or adoption is out of the question for me. My sister has two sweet girls and I just try to be the best aunt in the world...it's not easy, but even worse for me is the fear that I might not love the innocent child just because it's not my genes...

I also took the direct route to egg donation and tried to see the medication as something positive, as a support so that my body could cope well and tried to be grateful that such medication exists. That helped me mentally.

Quote from agagin

I also only decided to have children at all after my 30th birthday. For me personally, it's very late and now at 36 is the last moment to get pregnant anyway. I never liked other people's children:) and if I were to have one myself, I would like to see "my" eyes, hair and sense of humor, and not from a donor. That's why donation or adoption is out of the question for me. My sister has two sweet girls and I just try to be the best aunt in the world...it's not easy,but even worse for me is the fear that I might not love the innocent child just because it's not my genes....

Hello agagin

I respect every decision that a person, especially a woman, makes for herself.

I just have one question for you: do you know how the EZS really works, and have you heard of epigenetics? Especially things like humor, character and speech traits are inherited from the parent who raises the child. And the baby will be in your womb for 9 months, so "alien" is really the wrong word here. Your genes activate the foreign genes initially placed in you and make a selection (which is why many EZS babies later look similar to their mothers). You are still the biological mother and can pass on both a (hereditary) disease and your health to the child. If you are stressed, this will affect the child and its health / psyche, and vice versa.

It's not an attempt to argue with you or anything, it just struck me while reading that your idea of the EZS is perhaps too "all or nothing".

All the best to you!

Thank you Nini747 for this post. Even I've learned something new Our son is already over 3 and such a funny, humorous and clever little guy. He gets that from dad. My mother-in-law keeps emphasizing how much the little big one looks like me now. In the beginning, he looked just like Daddy as a baby (photos to prove it). And we went down the double donation route!

Dear Fliege81, I have to smile - does your mother-in-law know the background - probably not, right?

Lg

It's very often that people want to recognize something in the children, quite honestly: when such a shriveled baby comes out fresh, it looks more like a potato than the dad/grandpa/aunt of the first degree😜

Quote from Fliege81

Thank you Nini747 for this post. Even I have learned something new Our son is already over 3 and such a funny, humorous and clever little guy. He gets that from dad. My mother-in-law keeps emphasizing how much the little big one looks like me now. At the beginning, he looked just like Daddy as a baby (photos to prove it). And we went down the double donation route!

That's really funny and also beautiful!

They say that children from EZS etc. adopt their parents' facial expressions and manners anyway, which makes the resemblance even stronger That's a really exciting topic. Personally, the resemblance is not so important to me, but I keep hearing from women after ECS that their children actually look like them (according to others). I'm curious to see how my little mouse will turn out I once spoke to a renowned expert in the field and he also said that you, as the recipient, are not completely out of the woods

My nephew (conceived naturally), for example, has lost all resemblance to both parents over time. He is now 9 and I see no resemblance to my brother or his wife

Quote from Nini747

Hello agagin

I respect every decision that a person, especially a woman, makes for herself.

So I just have one question for you: do you know how the EZS really works, and have you heard anything about epigenetics? Especially things like humor, character and speech traits are inherited from the parent who raises the child. And the baby will be in your womb for 9 months, so "alien" is really the wrong word here. Your genes activate the foreign genes initially placed in you and make a selection (which is why many EZS babies later look similar to their mothers). You are still the biological mother and can pass on both a (hereditary) disease and your health to the child. If you are stressed, this will affect the child and its health / psyche, and vice versa.

It's not an attempt to argue with you or anything, it just struck me while reading that your idea of the EZS is perhaps too "all or nothing".

All the best to you!

Hey, thanks for your reply, I don't see it as an "attempt at a discussion" at all - not in a negative way :) It's also difficult for me to describe it (it's easier to explain live). It's also not that I assume that I won't accept the child. I'm just very afraid of it and don't want to burden an innocent child with it. My colleague has adopted a son (2 years old) - the child looks identical - we have already laughed that it might be his own after all, which he has kept secret from his wife :) I also know how it works with character etc.. And I'm still scared. But as I'm almost 36, I'm not going to try anymore, but the cat and dog will be happy that they don't have to share "mom" with anyone;)

I admire everyone who goes the extra mile. I'm simply at the end of my rope mentally and am slowly realizing that I have to get on with my life before it's too late and the situation has got me down.