Hello everyone,
I've registered here and am writing this post now because I want to get my feelings off my chest and maybe it will help some of you to feel less alone.
We have been trying to conceive for over a year and a half (two years in April) and I hoped that we would become more relaxed over time. The desire to have children had been an issue for a long time, but when I was diagnosed with prolactinoma, I stopped taking the pill (as a kind of defiant reaction: "now more than ever!"). The prolactinoma is well controlled with medication and I have no problems, my periods came back after two months and since then my cycle (initially around 35 days, now around 30 days) has remained fairly stable.
I started ovulation testing a year ago, but it hasn't been successful. I have the feeling that it puts me under a lot more psychological pressure. In the end, we went to the fertility clinic at the end of the year and had the first important tests (lab, ultrasound etc.) carried out, and everything was okay. The next step would be to check my tubal patency, but this is still too invasive for us at the moment and we hoped that a pregnancy would occur naturally soon. We are in our late 20s, both otherwise healthy, athletic and there is actually no (so far proven) reason why it wouldn't work for us. I've never had a positive pregnancy test.
I did manage to distance myself emotionally from the topic at first, but at the same time it is now becoming more of an issue in my private life. I come from the medical field and would also like to go into gynecology (and, fittingly, reproductive medicine...) because I find the subject incredibly exciting and can well imagine working there. But as long as I'm "affected" myself, I can't separate the two emotionally and I'm afraid that my private situation will spill over into my work... I used to watch a lot of videos about pregnancy and the desire to have children, I "devoured" all the information and wanted to know as much as possible, but that was at an earlier stage and I thought it would work out soon. Now I'm trying to block it out and stay away from such topics as much as possible.
At the same time, we have a couple in our family who are now pregnant after years of wanting to have children (after a miscarriage last year) and I am going to be a godmother (!), which makes me indescribably happy and grateful. I am so happy for them from the bottom of my heart and at the same time I now feel "alone" again with this situation, if you know what I mean... The topic of pregnancy and children comes up again and again in my environment, fortunately the family hasn't come up yet due to my professional situation, but I know that will happen soon and then the questions about grandchildren etc. will come up ...
I feel left alone, it's not a topic I can talk about openly with someone who isn't affected and at the same time there's this indescribably heavy feeling of injustice in my chest: Why everyone else? Why not us? Recently, we were out with a more distant group of friends that included a pregnant woman who was "bragging" (honestly, I probably just felt that way...) that they had already made it to the second practice cycle and she was now in her second trimester. Even as a young girl, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant because children were always going to be a part of my future and I just couldn't imagine an alternative. Now I'm sitting here, writing my heart out and hoping that this will make me feel a little better... and maybe someone else too, because I know we're not alone. I know there are many others here with longer, harder journeys and perhaps serious health diagnoses standing in their way. I don't want to hurt anyone with this post. I'm just feeling really bad about this situation right now, I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, so I just wanted to share my story....
Best regards, Beetlia
