14 ICSIs - how to proceed?

Hello everyone,

I have already read so much in this forum myself and would now like to share my story with you ...

My husband and I (both 40 years old) have been undergoing fertility treatment for 5 years and have now had 14 ICSIs My husband usually has a very poor spermiogram, which means that our fertilization rate is correspondingly poor. When we have had embryos (including blastos), they have never implanted. Due to our age, the quality on both sides is not very good. Last year I did a PRP in the ovaries and we moved to Madrid and did ICSI 12 and 13 there. The fertilization rate was suddenly much better, but unfortunately the embryos were not genetically OK. We were about to go for EZS, but I couldn't and we went for a 14th ICSI afterwards. But this time no fertilization. After months of not wanting to know anything more about the subject, we developed our master plan, also after consulting our doctor in Madrid ... we were both feeling better mentally, my husband agreed to have another TESE, I agreed to have PRP and we wanted to put all our eggs in one basket again. The TESE now in July surprisingly revealed NO sperm. We were all, I the doctors, mega surprised how that could be. My husband has had no sperm twice in the 5 years, but otherwise always. We didn't know what to do... is this a sign to finally stop and will it work? But why should it suddenly work now? After consulting the doctor, we have postponed my stimulation for 2 months so that my husband can recover and possibly form new sperm again, but on the other hand we have to use the PRP effect. I would now have to stimulate in October... my husband would come with me and we would see if he has sperm. If not, the eggs will be frozen and we will do a stimulation immediately afterwards, so that there may be sperm in November (3 months after TESe for new formation). We just don't have a good feeling anymore and our strength is at the end... on the other hand, I can't make friends with a donor solution... that makes me feel even worse... But how long should we hope and go through this madness?

Thank you for your kind words 🫶🏻

I actually became friends with EZS last year just before my 14th ICSI. It made me feel better that my husband was definitely in it and that I would be contributing a bit through the pregnancy. Rather than with a sperm donation, where he is definitely out. But now that there are currently no sperm, sperm donation makes the most sense. But I don't know if I'm really ready to go down that route. I wanted a child from my husband so much and not just a child ... my psychologist and I always laugh because I talk about cheating

I also believe that once the time comes, everything will be forgotten and you'll just be happy with the situation. But I'm afraid that this issue will always be there indirectly and you'll never find closure. How is it with you? Do you think a lot about the fact that you might want/need to tell them one day and how your child will take it?

It's so nice to read that you seem to be relaxed about it and just happy 🫶🏻 and seem to forget about it sometimes when you see the eyelashes 😂 great!

I think so too - more taboos need to be broken and more topics need to be more transparent. We could all help each other and provide each other with information if we didn't have to read and research everything ourselves. We also "only" decided to go abroad by chance after 3 years... we should have done it much earlier than experimenting here in Germany.

I'm not ashamed of anything either. We all can't help our situation and can be so grateful that such treatments exist. For me, it's more the feeling towards my child. I had time to make this decision and it is a process, my child has to accept it and live with it. But I also always worry and worry a lot 😁

Good morning lovelies, thank you so much for sharing your story with me and on the forum 🫶🏻

With our psychologist we are also trying to see the benefits of donation and who knows what great child we will be given. And maybe one or two things won't be bad if they're not passed on 😁 And who knows what other paths await us... we've never had a pregnancy and if the egg and the hammer sperm meet on the 15th Icsi and we finally get a healthy embryo, we'll continue with implantation, keeping the pregnancy, etc. You are now so involved in the topic that you are simply aware of all the stumbling blocks that may still be waiting. And that scares me and gives me little hope as to why it should work now in the 15th Icsi. Sure, there are always miracles and surprises, but with our "lucky streak" ... we feel like we're taking everything in our stride...
It's really crazy that so many people get pregnant naturally... what couldn't actually work - it really is a miracle!

We spoke yesterday and will stimulate myself first in the next cycle, we'll fly to Spain for a puncture, see if my husband has sperm and go for spontaneous sperm donation if necessary. If not, eggs will be frozen, followed by a cycle in the hope that sperm will have completely reformed (3 months later after an unsuccessful test) and then we'll use the selection of eggs from two punctures to see if anything fertilizes 🍀
If everything goes wrong, we hope that there will be enough sperm for an EZS. We also simply don't know whether my eggs are too bad or the sperm. With healthy eggs, you can have a successful Icsi even with bad sperm.
We were also recommended a double donation in Spain last year. But we don't want to do that. This morning, however, I had a brief moment when I thought "fuck it" I just don't feel like it anymore 😁

Thank you strawberry for your honest words 🫶🏻 It's probably more realistic and we don't have much hope after this journey 😔

Oskar, thank you for your kind words and for keeping your fingers crossed 🫶🏻

I just can't believe what a point you're at and what you've already done in vain for this wish. It's unbelievable what we all have to go through!