Letting go - how did you manage it?

Dear LiniBini I'm sorry that everything went like this. Unfortunately, I am also one of the candidates who only had success with the 6th transfer. In my case, the implantation window was shifted, among other things. When this was then adjusted, it worked in the 2nd attempt after changing clinics (1st attempt biochemical pregnancy). A possible sibling has not yet worked at all (2022 MA 2023 ectopic pregnancy). Although everything always looks good according to hysteroscopy and laparoscopy..... I had no attempts at all in Germany because of my husband's issue to increase the chances. But I was also told in Germany that there was an 85% chance and in Spain I was told that after PGTA there was almost a living child. My many attempts say otherwise. I take the strength because my son really wants a baby. But unfortunately our money is also running out. I also only had BB quality in my son's batch (my son was BB and BC. BC didn't work out. MA was also BB and ectopic pregnancy BA..... was unfortunately also unlucky. The embryo in the fallopian tube was alive And the MA also had a heartbeat. Sometimes it takes longer. Our son is our greatest happiness. If you still have the financial means and you have the strength

Dear LiniBini, I am very sorry that your third attempt was also unsuccessful. I was lucky in my first attempt and had a daughter from egg donation, but then I also had three unsuccessful attempts for a sibling. Even though nothing has really changed since the successful and complication-free pregnancy - why doesn't it work anymore? I have no idea... Just like you, we still have one last blasto on ice and don't yet know whether we can and want to afford another attempt, with a change of clinic and donor and possibly further examinations, tests, etc., and whether we can afford it financially. - and whether we can and want to afford it financially and whether we still have the patience and nerves for it...

The title of this thread "Letting go - how did you manage?" was probably originally only related to your own eggs. Now it has taken on a different meaning - is it perhaps time to let go of the desire to have children altogether? Or at least the desire for biological children? You are still relatively young in your mid/late thirties, so perhaps adoption would still be an option. Or taking in foster children. Have you ever thought about it?

I actually recently registered on a foster parents' forum and have been reading along a bit to "get pregnant" with this idea...

Are there any other people on this forum who have let go of their desire to have children or even the desire to have a sibling? Had to let go because it didn't work out even with egg donation or the money ran out at some point? If so, it would be nice to actually hear from you how you managed to let go!

Yes, thanks Nini I would also be interested in that at the moment!!!! I'll join you

Dear LiniBini,

I have read your story and I feel for you!

If I were you, I would ask again for the written information about all 4 blastos - so that you have clarity (also in retrospect)!

Unfortunately, I also had three failures with egg donation (2 early miscarriages and 1 without implantation). My blastos were A and B quality and I was totally insecure despite this, or perhaps because of it.

I then decided to have the remaining blastos tested for PGT-A afterwards. Although you have to defrost them again and this is not regularly done or recommended in England. But I wanted more certainty. I wanted to reduce the risk of another miscarriage. Another miscarriage would also have been the end of further attempts for me emotionally. The results met the quality criteria (2 good, one rather bad - they wouldn't have recommended that one either).

But then I knew that two were at least genetically good - and (only) that gave me the courage for one last attempt.

The fact that it worked on the fourth attempt is a huge stroke of luck! It couldn't have worked either. My hope was already pretty much at an end before that. My doctor always said: It doesn't have to be the A blastos, sometimes the "lower rated" ones make it.

At our clinic, we were able to get advice from a geneticist - we did that (and paid for it).

I wish you the time you need to grieve and get back on your feet.

A hug,

Sala

Dear Nini,

I haven't written much here yet, I'm more of a silent reader, but your message has just moved me.

This topic of letting go...

I registered here to get a feeling for EZS. I am lucky enough to have been blessed with a wonderful child after a very long KiWu journey (ICSI). We are now over 40, project sibling didn't work out with our own ECs. That's why my FA brought me to the topic of ECS. She also told me how much more likely I was to conceive with ECS. I thought that the probability was ALWAYS at least 50-60% and was totally hyped. It was only reading along here in the forum that brought me back down from that. I have the greatest respect for every single woman here who does this. I have the feeling that you read far more about setbacks, poor communication / opaque clinic procedures, miscarriages, etc. than about women who have tested positive. It feels like the chances are only 10-15% and that it simply takes countless attempts. As I said, we also had countless attempts (with our first child + for the desired sibling) and every single one was not supported by the health insurance because we were not married at first and then later over 40. I have no more capacity for more setbacks and unfulfilled hope. If I at least knew that it would work with three attempts at an ECS - but I rather have the feeling that the topic of ECS would again be a bottomless pit in terms of the number of attempts required, not to mention the organizational difficulties with one child already.

I realize that there is this longing, the feeling that someone is still waiting, that we are not yet complete. Our child was a twin very early on in the pregnancy (around 5-7 weeks). Sometimes I try to convince myself that this longing is for this twin and that it should have been this second little person.
Unfortunately I don't have a recipe, I can't come to terms with the issue myself. But I am now very sure that an EZS is out of the question. I can understand if you now think, "she's easy to talk to with a child." I was only able to make this decision thanks to this forum 🙏🏼

Maybe I will try again for one or two ICSIs here in DE. I always thought that having a child would make wanting a sibling easier. That you are more relaxed - I personally find it more painful because you know what you can't experience a second time. I wasn't prepared for that... ❤️‍🩹

Dear Milka, I think the desire to have children is the desire to have children, regardless of whether you already have a child or not. Of course, others who don't have a child yet may see it differently and perhaps see it as a luxury problem. I can understand that too. But you can't compare one suffering with another suffering and judge which is more serious. The KiWu journey is simply very exhausting and often difficult to manage financially.

Nevertheless, I would like to qualify your impression somewhat with regard to EZS and its successes. The clinics certainly extrapolate the successes so that it raises high expectations in advertising. Nevertheless, the rate with ECS is higher than with your own EC, although of course this always depends on various factors such as age, clinic, choice of donor, spermiogram, immunology and the conditions of the uterus. If there are no restrictions apart from age, the chances of success are significantly higher. However, I also believe that in a forum like this, people will talk about it more often and seek advice if there are any difficulties. For example, I don't like to publicize the fact that we had 2 TF with EZ and I am pregnant with the 2nd child, so in that case 100%. Our previous history in Germany, on the other hand, was completely different and grueling. But every story is different and I don't want to offend anyone just because we were lucky. I just wanted to say that there are other examples, but the voices are perhaps quieter, similar to good or bad reviews on the internet. In any case, I wish you every success on your journey and keep my fingers crossed for a sibling.

Oh dear LiniBini, I can understand that very well. Your head knows it's impossible, but your heart keeps hoping. I think the path to accepting that your own body won't work out is simply difficult and you clutch at straws. I'll give you a hug if you don't know me.

Dear LiniBini,

I think your feelings are completely normal: you sincerely want to have a child and so of course you can't give up hope that it might still happen naturally, however unlikely that may be. But this also means that you or your subconscious have not accepted "it"! I can absolutely understand your feelings, I know these thoughts!
Best wishes! Oskar