Letting go - how did you manage it?

Hello lovelies,

I apologize for only getting back to you now - events have come thick and fast over the last week. We are allowed to fly to Malle at the beginning of November and are combining the fertilization and transfer appointments with a vacation, which we both really need after this very intense summer... Now we have a few blood tests and an ultrasound to do and then it's time to soak up the sun, relax and enjoy good food - so that we can hopefully fly home for three.

But you were right: now that things are getting concrete, I'm only looking forward to November and I'm really looking forward to getting to know the local team (we're being treated by Dr. H. - very friendly and direct).

So much weight has been lifted that I've been lying flat for a while and am still struggling with the after-effects But I don't think that's going to stop us.

I'll keep you up to date. Thank you for your support!

Hello lovelies,

I had my last ultrasound today before we fly to Palma tomorrow. My uterine lining seems to have built up well but I'm bleeding and it looks like the lining is shedding. The cycle is probably over. We are trying an increase of Progynova and on Wednesday we will have another scan on site but it doesn't look good.

We will have the insemination done and freeze the blastocysts to hopefully have more luck in the near future...

Best wishes - I'll keep you up to date...

Dear Kiwi,

I'm very sorry to read this and I can well understand how you feel. Admitting your grief and (impatiently) looking forward at the same time was and sometimes still is a balancing act. Although our first attempt didn't work out, I'm currently feeling very good. Maybe some of my strategies will help you?

We went to Mallorca for about a week at the beginning of November and combined the fertilization part with a vacation until the transfer. This was helpful for me because it gave me a positive feeling about the country of origin of "my" eggs.

I also created a kind of diary for our future child. In it, I explained everything we had tried, what the diagnosis was like for me, my thoughts on the EZS and the anonymity of the donor, pictures, invoices, medical documents... everything goes in there to be as transparent as possible. This also helps me to process the process.

I personally think Ivi is a great practice. We are seeing Dr. H. She is a very positive doctor who looks to the future. That helped me personally and infected me, because she didn't respond to my "whining", but said that we can't change the past but are now looking to have our child.

We received a video from the clinic showing how our eggs were developing. And from that moment on, they were "my babies"...

Unfortunately, it didn't work the first time. I'm having a hysteroscopy in January as a precaution before we start another transfer. But the video and the diary help me to stay positive.

The thought "who knows what it's good for" may sound trite, but how often has a difficult situation turned out to be a blessing afterwards? Has it turned out positively? Created something wonderful? Today I think that all of this is true. It has given me an incredible amount of depth with my husband, the feeling that he stands by me through everything, a lot of support and I have learned that love has nothing to do with DNA.

When feelings like sadness or anxiety come up, I allow them to. I don't push them away, but I don't lose myself in them either. In the final scene of the movie Kevin Alone at Home, I cried endlessly because I wanted to hold my child in my arms too... I'm not "artificially strong", but think that these emotions are justified and can be felt.

Talking to close friends and family also helps me. I would like to be able to be more open here and also respond to curious questions such as "and when are you due?" respond differently and explain things to people, but sometimes I think that it's not my origin story and I don't really have the right to tell everyone, even if it would do me good...

For a long time, the focus was on the desire to have children. Vacations, plans for the future, etc. Were always forged with the thought of "what if I get pregnant". This put my life on standby. Today, the focus is on me. I take good care of myself, plan time off, build up my independence and live as if the desire to have children didn't exist (within my financial means, the costs for the clinic should of course be realistically taken into account...)

I don't know about you, but I also put a lot of pressure on myself because of my age. I'm 36.5 and would like my child to get to know his grandparents, for example, so that I can cope with the sleepless nights etc. But I try to ignore all these thoughts, the additional stress intensifiers. I can't influence it and it will be what it will be... So my advice would be to take and allow yourself the time you need to process everything ❤️

If you have any questions, please get in touch. I wish you all the best on your journey, whatever it looks like in the end.

LG

Lini

Hello everyone,

I've been a bit withdrawn lately and have been concentrating a lot on myself. That's why I'm only now posting an update

In January I had a hysteroscopy and the result was that I had an acute inflammation in my uterus and chronic + acute inflammation in my cervix.

I then had an antibiotic therapy and subsequently rebuilt the vaginal flora over a period of months. Orally and vaginally.

To combat the chronic inflammation, I changed my diet, fasted, took anti-inflammatory supplements and did more sport.

I also had two dental operations (due to a cyst, among other things).

We then used an artificial cycle to build up the mucous membrane once and let it bleed off (spring cleaning ;)).

In the second cycle, the mucosa was built up to 7.5 and last Friday our 2nd transfer (blasto, 5 days) took place under top conditions in Spain. Hormone levels, blasto, mucosa... all very good.

Now we have to wait. I feel very bloated and a little nauseous, otherwise I'm doing great. I really enjoy the fact that I can sleep through the night again since the hormones.

BT is only after Easter. On a working day... I am therefore considering whether I should perhaps test at the weekend to prepare myself for a possible negative result... I think it's a fine line between hope, a positive attitude and fear of what will happen if the test is negative. Financially, we have very little room for maneuver...

Kind regards

Good morning,

Dear Conby, thank you very much for your kind words. I tested negative this morning (on Tf +8).

At the moment I feel like I'm in a state of shock. I don't even want to think about the financial implications etc. I don't even want to think about it. BT would actually be on Monday, but can only be done on Tuesday due to the holidays...

Fortunately, I have a lot of distractions on the agenda now.

I wish you all a happy Easter!

Dear Conby,

Thank you again. Yes, it was a 10 and concentrated morning urine. I have to wait until the BT for the KiWu to give the go ahead to stop the meds.... but I'm no longer hopeful.

Only then can we talk about whether and how to proceed. We haven't had any further tests done on me or the embryos yet. There will probably be further costs for us here too.

I am currently very disappointed. We were told by both Kiwu in Germany and Spain that the chances of success are very high. And I'm afraid that it might be the embryos after all. A new round with a new donor would simply not be possible...

Kind regards